Fran and Lauren are happily playing together. They are chatting away and appear to be enjoying each other's company. That is, until they both reach for the same toy and an argument ensues.
Fran reacts and hits Lauren. She instantly realises that Lauren is hurt and offended, so tries to make friends. Fran then apologises and gives Lauren a cuddle. But Lauren is still upset and shows Fran that she is not yet ready to make up by turning away from her.
Fran is disgruntled at first that her apology didn't work, but doesn't give up and tries a different approach. She suggests a new game to which Lauren responds, and they are soon happily playing together again.
Although it was Fran's initial aggressive reaction that had caused the situation, she showed considerable social intelligence in recognizing the need to negotiate a way through the problem in order to make amends with Lauren and so restore the relationship.
Neither Lauren nor Fran called on an adult to take over and solve the problem for them. They were both learning about the value of negotiation and the need to move to a resolution rather than blame.
GOOD PRACTICE
1 Anyone spending time with children knows that arguments over the possession of toys are very common. Understanding the neuroscience and brain chemistry behind it all can make a big difference to the interventions and strategies we use to solve these kinds of conflicts.
1 When there is an emotional attachment to a toy, it releases chemicals called opiods in the brain, which means that the child has a sense of well-being when they are playing with the toy. Take it away and the brain is likely to experience 'opiod withdrawal' and this causes emotional pain, which is often expressed through crying.
2 The child might feel a territorial claim over the toy. Vasopressin is the brain chemical linked to aggression and is released when 'territory' is invaded, which explains why children often attack or hit each other in arguments about possessions or space...
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