Proximity maintenance and separation anxiety

Find out why children seek proximity to an attachment figure and why they show separation distress

This course session covers:

Why children seek proximity to an attachment figure
Why they show separation distress when separated from them
What these behaviours looks like in practice
How you can support children with these behaviours in a nursery or setting

Length of session:

The session should take between 30 to 40 minutes

You will need:

Each participant will need a pen and a note book or a printed copy of the Session 1.5 Proximity maintenance & separation distress task sheet - Available in the downloads section

00:13: As we heard in the previous session,
00:15: John Bowlby described four distinguishing
00:17: characteristics of attachment theory.
00:19: They were a secure base, a safe haven,
00:23: proximity maintenance and separation distress.
00:27: Let's look at the last two characteristics in more detail.
00:32: Perhaps the easiest way to describe proximity maintenance
00:35: is to imagine that the child
00:37: and their key person are attached together
00:39: with a piece of elastic.
00:41: If the key person moves away from the child,
00:44: the child moves to be nearer again.
00:47: They want to keep the key person near enough
00:49: as both a secure base and close enough
00:51: to return to if they need a safe haven.
00:60: As they get older and develop their confidence and security,
01:03: we see this imaginary piece of elastic stretching further
01:07: as they're comfortable to extend the distance
01:09: between themselves and the key person.
01:17: Proximity maintenance is about keeping close enough
01:20: to your attachment figure
01:21: so that you know that they're there for you,
01:23: and that they're available to meet your needs.
01:34: Separation distress is a perfectly rational emotional
01:37: response to being separated from your attachment figure,
01:40: the person you want and need to be with.
01:43: Come on, darling.
01:46: We're most likely to see these when a child is left
01:48: by their parent at nursery or school and gets distressed.
01:52: Attachment theory suggests and supports the idea
01:55: that the child is quit rightly resisting
01:57: what must seem like to them in that moment
01:59: as potential abandonment.
02:03: Often in this situation, practitioners will use distraction
02:06: as a means of settling a distressed child.
02:09: And sometimes this can work,
02:10: but generally what they need most is empathy.
02:14: That is they need sensitive acknowledgement
02:16: of their distress,
02:17: and to have their emotions recognized
02:19: and verbalized back to them.
02:21: As they may not yet have the words,
02:23: or in that moment of distress,
02:25: the ability to express their feelings for themselves.
02:28: It's a normal stage of development for most children
02:31: to feel separation distress
02:33: from a person they're attached to.
02:35: Often, even as adults, we experience separation distress
02:39: from a loved one.
02:41: Allan Godschmied who was the inspiration
02:44: for key personal approach describe what it might be like
02:47: for a child being left in nursery.
02:51: "We can never remind ourselves too often that a child
02:54: particularly a very young and almost totally dependent one
02:58: is the only person who can't understand why he is there.
03:02: He can only explain it as abandonment,
03:05: and unless he is helped in a positive and affectionate way
03:09: this will mean levels of anxiety greater
03:11: than he can tolerate."

Downloads

Task sheet - key person approach - session 1.5	Download
Facilitators guide - key person approach - session 1.5	Download