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Life at two – making friends & joining in

3 years – Development of relationships with peers, co-operation and conflict.

Contents of section

  • Playing with peer at home
  • Conflict with peer at home - overwhelming emotions
  • Co -operating with peer at nursery
  • Group talking time
  • Joining group game
  • Conclusion - feeling at home in both settings, confident to learn

Reflect

  • What does Ava do when Molly said they had to share?
  • What does Ava do to upset Esther?
  • What do you think about the way mum responded when Ava tried to hit Esther?
  • What does Ava do to involve herself in the train game in the play ground?
  • What can you say about Ava’s social and emotional development at home?
  • What can you say about Ava’s social and emotional development at nursery?
  • How and why might Ava’s behaviour with her peers differ in the two settings?
00:08
It's now a couple of weeks,
00:09
before Eva's third birthday
00:12
and she feels at ease and confident
00:14
to play and learn in both settings.
00:17
That's a nice--
00:18
She's getting to the stage,
00:19
where having friends and being sociable with them
00:22
is becoming more important to her.
00:26
Thanks a lot.
00:27
Thanks a lot.
00:28
Their attachment relationships have helped her
00:30
to be able to predict how older people might respond to her
00:34
and how she might respond to them.
00:37
And that's the basis of the development of friendships
00:39
and for being part of groups.
00:47
Well, do you wanna open it fast?
00:49
Open it faster
00:51
Eva starts to pretend a game of shop with Esther.
00:58
All right.
01:00
What would you like to buy?
01:03
I already got some.
01:07
What would you like to buy today?
01:09
I've got one, I've got this.
01:13
Rather than the parallel play we saw earlier,
01:16
the pair are becoming able to cooperate
01:18
in extended play.
01:19
Beep, beep.
01:23
There you go.
01:26
One of the social skills children need
01:28
to develop in maintaining friendships,
01:31
is dealing with conflicts.
01:33
No, use the other bit.
01:35
No, I wanna do that bit.
01:38
You have to share it.
01:41
Eva is gradually understanding
01:43
the idea of sharing, but not still how it works.
01:47
Eva, that's not very kind.
01:48
Listen, Eva we have to share it.
01:53
Esther is doing it doing it too.
01:54
Oh, good girl,
01:56
good girl.
01:58
When you're finished, I have to take.
02:02
Are you finished?
02:03
Sometimes it's okay,
02:05
but all the time is still too much more her to manage.
02:11
Babies here, to do, hairs.
02:15
Okay, I will do hers now.
02:18
No, I mean--
02:19
On home ground she upsets Esther,
02:21
by grabbing Teddy and Esther withdraws.
02:26
The cooperative game is over and ends in a fight.
02:33
It has too, it has to Esther, it has to, it has to.
02:40
And maybe, it's, I don't know--
02:42
The ability to regulate emotions
02:45
develops slowly and feelings can stay easily overwhelmed.
02:49
She's pushing me.
02:50
Well Eva you don't hover Esther's hair.
02:52
But I need to.
02:54
Yeah, it's good
02:55
for you to say, isn't it?
02:57
No, you don't, Eva, Eva, Eva, listen,
02:59
we're not gonna hover Esther's hair today.
02:60
Yeah, but I wanna do...
03:05
You don't hover people, you hover flaws,
03:07
like this, don't you?
03:09
I think you should go in and see Esther,
03:10
cause I think she was worried,
03:13
that you, Eva.
03:17
Eva, I think you threw things at Esther, didn't you?
03:19
And Esther first threw it on me.
03:21
And Eva, you threw at Esther first,
03:23
could you go peep through and say sorry to her please?
03:25
In these situations,
03:28
Eva needs Molly to help her to regulate her emotions
03:30
and to act as a role-model
03:32
in helping her remember all the peoples feelings.
03:34
Good girl.
03:36
Can you give her a quick hug?
03:37
Good girl.
03:39
Are you friends again?
03:41
The conflict is soon forgotten
03:44
and they're cooperating again.
03:46
We can see that one of the most important challenges
03:48
for adults close to children
03:51
is to help them develop the skills to interact with others.
03:53
And Eva is learning all the time now
03:55
about relationships with her peers.
03:58
Three, this is forward T.
03:60
This is forward T.
04:02
This is forward T.
04:04
Look, sit down everybody.
04:11
After nine months at the nursery,
04:13
Eva still likes playing alone,
04:15
but she's beginning to play cooperatively
04:17
with all the children.
04:58
Group talking time
05:01
is now something Eva seems to enjoy
05:03
and she contributes in a way,
05:06
that she wouldn't have been able to six months ago.
05:08
Another airplane.
05:10
Very noisy, huh?
05:12
It's just a little one.
05:14
It was just a little one, this time.
05:16
No, it was actually a big one,
05:18
but it was really far away.
05:22
That's probably right Jack, well done.
05:27
And when they make a big noise,
05:30
what does that mean?
05:31
It's really close?
05:33
Really close, right.
05:42
One things that's often difficult,
05:46
is joining in with an existing group game.
05:49
Eva is learning ways of doing this.
05:53
Watch how she includes herself in the train game.
05:57
She goes to find tickets for the passengers.
06:17
Oh, Eva has found us the tickets,
06:18
thank you Eva.
06:21
We're gonna have ticket from Eva.
06:24
The train not is there now.
06:24
It's for you--
06:32
Who'd like to wear the hat?
06:35
Eva, why don't you give the blue ticket to your baby?
06:36
Baby needs a ticket too.
06:41
Oh, train is ready to go.
06:42
Who's coming on the train?
06:44
All aboard.
06:46
All aboard to the train.
06:48
Which carriage is Eva getting in?
06:50
All right, what's the...
06:52
Check the ticket.
07:04
She's an individual, who's at home
07:07
in two quite different settings.
07:08
She's learning all day long
07:10
and is developing independence,
07:12
making her own choices
07:15
and learning to socialize with her peers.
07:19
Above all, she seems to feel good about herself.
07:21
What is clear from this film,
07:24
is the way the two settings compliment each other.
07:26
There's being good dialogue
07:31
between Molly and Clare throughout.
07:33
Although this is a small nursery,
07:35
the same principles apply to key people,
07:37
in a large nurseries.
07:41
It's all to do with everyday interactions.
07:43
Clare has been sensitive and responsive
07:46
to her interactions with Eva right from the beginning
07:48
and has succeeded in building
07:51
a special close relationship with her.
07:53
This has given Eva a secure base,
07:57
from which she's been able to explore, learn and develop.

As Ava draws near to her third birthday she is developing fast. We can see a dramatic change in her ability to socialise with her peers. She has had the opportunity to learn about another person’s mind and their emotional state from having such close adult attachments. We have seen Ava empathising with her toys during her play and gradually she is becoming able to do the same with her peers. It is a slow process however as Ava’s emotions are still easily overwhelmed especially when the needs of others conflict directly with her own. The neural pathways in the brain develop gradually and affect the way emotions are processed, and don’t mature fully until early adulthood 4.

4 Gerhardt. S, Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain. Hove, Brunner-Routledge.