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Life at two – Developing independence at home

26 – 27 months – Developing confidence, negotiation and conflict.

Contents of section

  • Confident to make choices
  • Looking at books, counting, mark making
  • Conflict in shop with mum - importance of negotiation
  • Parallel play with peer - conflict over objects

What did you notice

  • How can you tell that Ava is used to looking at books?
  • What shapes does Ava make when writing her list?
  • What does Ava do when she gets into the shop?
  • What do you think about the way mum responded to Ava’s behaviour?
  • Why do Ava and Esther argue?
  • Why is it good for Ava to be able to make her own choices?
  • In what ways is Ava asserting her independence?
  • How is mum helping Ava’s development?
  • What can you say about Ava’s personal, social and emotional development?
  • What can you say about Ava’s communication and language development?
00:14
Helped by her close relationship with Molly,
00:17
Ava's becoming keen to assert her own autonomy.
00:20
She's making choices.
00:23
While Molly gets ready, she chooses herself a book.
00:34
Being able to make choices is an important part
00:36
of learning about yourself,
00:38
about what you like as a person.
00:42
I'm just gonna dry my hair.
00:45
Okay?
00:48
Ava?
00:50
I's listening to you.
00:52
She's used to Molly reading her stories
00:55
and knows how books work.
00:59
The end.
01:01
The end.
01:05
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
01:11
Today friends are coming for lunch.
01:14
So Molly and Ava are going to go shopping for food.
01:19
Shall we make a list of what we need from the shops?
01:21
Yeah.
01:22
Molly includes Ava in making the shopping list.
01:29
Ava wants to write the list.
01:31
I better write it.
01:32
I better write it.
01:34
Well you write one thing
01:35
and shall I write the rest?
01:37
She now often insists on doing things herself.
01:40
Even when they're beyond her capabilities.
01:42
It's part of becoming a separate person.
01:47
Mommy do the list.
01:50
You do the list.
01:52
Thank you.
01:54
What do we need?
01:56
Coco Pops.
02:00
The local environment outside the family home
02:03
is becoming familiar to Ava,
02:05
she's comfortable in these surroundings
02:07
even though is much more unpredictable
02:09
than the home environment.
02:15
She's experiencing how the world works.
02:18
Like shopping and different forms of transport.
02:21
She's recognizing that she's part of this wider community.
02:28
This way, can you help me put the card in?
02:38
Don't go too far.
02:46
Ava wait, can you come and hold these for me?
02:48
Come and hold the cucumber?
02:49
No, no.
02:51
Her growing independence
02:52
often makes things difficult for Molly.
02:54
She has to strike a balance between the need
02:56
to keep her safe and letting her go.
03:05
Right, can you hold the cucumber for me?
03:07
No!
03:08
Or I'll have to carry you then?
03:12
Ava, I'm not very happy with you doing that.
03:16
Put me down!
03:18
Are you gonna help me carry some food?
03:19
No!
03:21
Well are you gonna run away?
03:22
Yes.
03:23
Well, that's not good.
03:24
But I gonna run away.
03:26
Can you hold these for me?
03:26
No!
03:27
In the big shop Molly has to be firm.
03:29
Put me down!
03:31
These strong will tantrums can be difficult
03:32
to deal with, especially in a public place.
03:35
Ava, if you run away.
03:36
I can't put you down if you're just gonna run away.
03:39
I'll tell you what I have to do then.
03:40
I'm gonna run away.
03:41
Well, I'll tell what I have to do then,
03:42
I'll have to go and get the trolley,
03:43
and you'll have to sit in the trolley.
03:49
Are you gonna sit in the trolley?
03:50
No.
03:51
Yes and you can hold the ticket for me.
04:05
Let go of me!
04:07
You can't run away from me Ava.
04:09
You can either hold my hand, or I'll have to carry you
04:11
or go in the trolley.
04:14
Carry.
04:14
You want me to carry you?
04:16
Yeah.
04:17
Ava chooses to be carried.
04:20
Molly offers Ava a choice,
04:22
so that Ava can still feel she has an element
04:24
of control in the situation
04:26
and Molly doesn't become authoritarian.
04:29
Which can be equally as negative
04:30
as being overly permissive.
04:33
Think it'll be a bit heavy.
04:34
This sort of negotiation is an important skill.
04:38
To negotiate Molly has to be very clear
04:40
in her own mind what Ava can and can't do.
04:43
Walk like a really good girl,
04:46
clever girl that's it.
04:49
And making choices is part
04:51
of learning about yourself and becoming a separate person.
04:55
Ava often has the opportunity to make choices
04:58
and this helps her feel competent and good about herself.
05:24
Do you like having tea cups?
05:24
Yeah.
05:26
To further encouraging
05:27
Ava's social development,
05:28
Molly provides opportunities to develop friendships.
05:32
Molly's friend Amy has a daughter, Ester,
05:35
of a similar age to Ava.
05:38
Who else?
05:39
Can you remember the names
05:40
of any of the other children?
05:42
Annie.
05:43
Holly and?
05:44
Holly.
05:45
When they visit, Amy and Ester play together.
05:49
They mostly play side by side in parallel play.
05:52
But often watch each other
05:53
and imitate what the other's doing.
05:57
Ah well just her a bit without the mushrooms on.
05:59
There we go.
06:02
There are often conflicts over objects.
06:07
What's Ester doing?
06:09
Cutting.
06:09
Cutting?
06:10
Ima cut mine.
06:12
We can only cut with plastic Play-Doh knives
06:15
though can't we?
06:16
We can't cut with big knives.
06:18
Please I want to use a knife.
06:21
Well, have we got another knife?
06:23
Try have a look!
06:24
I want the pink knife.
06:26
Tada, I've got a red knife.
06:28
No I want a pink knife.
06:30
You want a pink knife?
06:31
Yeah.
06:33
I want a pink knife!
06:36
Ava why don't you have the red one then?
06:39
No, I'm gonna have the pink one.
06:42
Well why does everyone want the pink one?
06:44
Oh, that's nice sharing Ester.
06:46
Are you giving it to Ava?
06:48
What a kind girl, that's lovely.
06:54
Are you gonna say thank you Ava?
06:56
Thank you Ava.
06:58
Ava is still learning about who she is
07:00
and isn't always able to think of Ester's needs.
07:03
Sharing's still a difficult concept and she needs support.

Out of Ava’s attachment to and dependence on her mum comes the beginnings of her independence. Her secure relationship with mum enables her to feel confident to make her own choices which is part of becoming independent. When Ava and mum go to the shops a tantrum soon ensues when Ava runs off, wanting to be independent. It’s the secure base mum provides that allows Ava to express her feelings to the full. Mum then deals very sensitively with her challenging behaviour. Back at home, playing with her friend, Ava again feels secure enough to express her self to try and get what she wants. She needs an adult’s support when it comes to sharing, which is a difficult concept at this age, and sharing in practice can be even more difficult!